Awash in Doubtful Fear, Hope Never Gives Up

I used to Fear never making it to Israel, dying with no one to say Kaddish for me, then being booted from the Gordis ‘unpopular things‘ tent and never making it to the World to Come, Abandoned! My favorite Baal Shem Tov story is with his portion in the World to Come lost for disobedience in service in Loving Kindness, he was free to Be Not Afraid, without Fear. A simple story with a towering meaning into the sky, made his name within me in the shekhinah. I want to have Perfect Faith, but my choking in waves of Fear in tsunamis of anxiety belies my pronouncements, trying to convince myself to Be Not Afraid. Regardless, I never give up in Hope albeit in Doubtful Fear.

Doubtful Fear

Religious to the core, there’s a thread of Atheism within My Silent Attic that sometimes goes by the names Doubt and Fear. That, as the complaint of Job, questions care and Mercy without doubt of His existence. That orbits the question of salvation while trying not to lose Hope to despair.

I don’t believe in doing anything I consider ‘religious’ out of fear. Acting from fear of a thing isn’t Awe of HaShem, that is Not a Thing but Beyond. Death stands at each elbow along with The Absolute-Unity as we breathe, both beyond. I always found it odd that existentialism has been associated with Atheism, when my existential philosophy is integral to my certainty of The Absolute Unity (almost) by the simple principle of Duality in Continuity to the Beyond.

Idolatry Is Faith in Things

I attribute idolatry to faith in things, that’s an over-thinking of plain Fear in Doubt of compassion for my suffering from the Whirlwind, of care. I have ImPerfect Faith that my angels are watching over me. All action or inaction is ultimately in faith, either in things or The Absolute-Unity.

In my drive toward binary duality rather than an absolute within this existence, there are two kind of motivations, fear or Awe. Another side of my duality of Doubt in Fear is Hope. My objections to the addendums is the emphasis on fear of things. Fear is the water, the in-common understanding of motivation in materialism. Rulers across knuckles, with or without Reason, to avoid pain imposed from outside rather than the compunction to act from Awe within.

In the fear of fire and brimstone or the judgments of ‘disbelievers’ in the power of the sword. That’s then flipped around into say-do-whatever with the comforting faith in wafers and wine or ablutions or demographic majority. The negative of judging Them in a Fear of hypocrisy isn’t an (almost) positive purely from Awe. I still don’t believe in Forgiving Amalekites with Murderous Hearts, but Justice isn’t the only side of Compassion. Mercy.

Get Out and Stay Out: Injustices in the Name of Religion

Sarah dumped Hagar out and hers have to stay out. Saying that’s going to be reversed in Unity is sacrilegious. This rigidity is both reflected in adoption of Atheism and a driver as well. Rather than a Duality in Continuity, if not absolutely true, then absolutely not true. Either-or.

That makes it for some a form of monotheism by deification of the denial as an infallible absolute. Often to worship science, or math in my juvenile case. When deciding to agree out of Fear, there is no Awe. The Evil Eye. Step on a crack. Don’t split a post. Forgive the unrepentant no matter what. A primary, and powerful objection of Atheists to Theism is the premise that people are being motivated by Fear of Sheol, fear of Hell, fear of being forgotten. Abandoned! Superstition. Just say-do-whatever to Put Food on the Table, sing the songs and go through the ‘I’m with you.‘ motions to affirm an ‘Us.’ and call it religion, exempt from the taxes of reality.

Drive to Survive

Actions are there for all to see in the drive to survive. Because religion strives to simplify complexity into an absolute with an underlying drive to survive, great injustices have been perpetrated in the name of religion. That are usually rooted in Fear. As with the The Fourteenth Principle, where does the religion of Awe leave off and the religion of Fear in needing to affirm an ‘Us’ have its sway? Make that a tall order of awe of the Gordis tent. By that absolutism, if you’re a Southern Baptist that’s still talking about the Pauline addendum avatar, Loving Kindness, and don’t believe in white supremacy, you don’t belong in that Holding Dominion social association. An infidel.

The values and beliefs of the ‘Us’ association are the binding understanding of agreement. Because The Absolute-Unity is beyond things, as the desire to put our feet down and touch the floor, attempting to conceptualize that which is Beyond Conceptualization is a stepping off into empty space. For human comprehension of the incomprehensible, we make our relationship to Not a Thing tangible and immediate — by invocation of things with which we’re familiar — as associations.

The adversary I call Fear is abstracted into anthropomorphic terms as a grotesque little red man with horns, but saying it’s Fear doesn’t evoke a simplistic personified picture as visceral as a snake. Demonization of ‘Them’ is the other side of religion as an affirmation of an ‘Us.’

Organized Religion As Organized Fear

Naturally, the learned and intelligent as the famously Atheist Christopher Hitchens has rightly pointed out the grisly and sordid history of injustices in the name of organized religion, that’s organized Fear. Whether Communism or Calvinism, what’s being organized is a systemization of Fear, as The Fourteenth Principle, with prophets as Ayn Rand and John Calhoun and deities as Ronald Reagan of murder in Mississippi.

Great injustices have been perpetrated in the name of Atheism, notably Stalin and the Cultural Revolution, both of them religious Crusades. In Both True and Not True, reality is that people are people, and by whatever justification, acting from Fear, sometimes justifiable and often not, great evil is and will be done in the name of both religion and Atheism. Federalism is a religion of organized Fear of egalitarianism attractive to monarchists. Irreligious Neo-cons are building a resume’ in pagan worship of power money might, proselytizing Fear from pied-pipers of Hate, elevating Wicca and Santería from the demonic to the sublime.

Fear Against Awe

Each paradigm can point at the other, and none meets a higher test, as Aristotle of Athens would have razed Sparta given the opportunity. Philosophers are the prophets of their religions, but there hasn’t been any history of an idealistic reality out of any philosophy. As any belief, both all and none are equally valid. In the religions of Secular Humanism and the Socratic Logos with or without theism are beliefs that cannot be proven.

The issue isn’t one of valuation of one terminology over another, but whether the Search for the Good is active within that association. Are they promoting a religion of Fear by whatever name and description, or pretending that the Good is ‘logical’ when Holding Dominion holds the trumps.

Beyond the revulsion at the Pauline idea of a man-as-if that’s mellowed in time as irrelevant as long as I’m not being proselytized, it’s not within my tradition to recognize their addendum avatar as anything but an unfortunate association to the most vile histories of my remembrance. When believing the Torah is Divine translates as infallibility of the militaristic Zionism addendum, I’m an Atheist. When translated to putting none before, even myself, I’m a true believer. For some, the ‘Jewish state’ is the outside themselves, their beyond as motive to support as though a deific, infallible divine; Icebergs of Injustices be damned. To be handled by global warming to ‘particularism’ in materialism.

Tsunamis of Doubt

While I have no doubt of the existence of The Absolute-Unity, I have tsunamis of doubt concerning the care. I am Job, crying out for my audience to appeal. It is I who am bound to care, to be just. It is I who am seeking becoming deserving of faith.

Finklestein says he’s an atheist but has Perfect Faith in people’s ability to be reasonable, and The Law; and justice he is (almost) pursuing. The list is extensive of ‘irreligious’ who are Searching to Be Good in this world by their lives and actions. As our Ways of Being are our religion, it’s actions that matter. Those following all the halakha but not being a blessing of Loving Kindness are not my idea of connecting to the Land as Blessing, while many ‘irreligious’ have been and are.

Open to Interpretation

The difficulty with Awe of HaShem is the need to make an interpretation that translates to actions. Born in the Desert Wilderness of ignorance as a fine dust in the air, reinvention of the wheel takes lifetimes. To understand that connecting to the ground of the Land as Blessing is priority, to have the mentorship of elders of blessed memory, to Be Clear. I won’t deny my Awe of HaShem, but what that means and what that looks like is a greater, and open question.

Many ‘irreligious’ carry the spirit of The Divine Torah with them in their hearts and minds. I don’t believe in deathbed conversions of convenience, but a life in pursuit of Justice and Compassion for All Suffering is well spent, to His credit. Anyone affirmatively describing themselves as a Jew is affirming Sinai while rejecting the continuity of the lineage of theistic interpretations of Should and Ought. As many Negroes who could ‘pass’ did, there’s no necessity to adhere to that identity if devoid of meaning. That identity is an anchoring stone with firm connection to the ground of the Land as Blessing. Come what may. Fully aware of anti-Semitism, many soldier thanklessly against injustice.

Providence Chance and Choice

There’s both chance and choice as in everything else in duality, order and chaos. Some try to separate them into an either-or. Choices in Free Will are the grounds of both good and evil, while chance – chaos exists as well. Chaos lives alongside order as chance lives alongside Free Will.

Belief in providence is a belief in compassion from the Whirlwind. We are either creating the Good or evil through our actions that cannot know beforehand with any certainty the result; that is also influenced by chance. Belief in Free Will while dismissive of the reality of chance can be an abrogation of responsibility in the unrealistic. We cannot rely upon chance, nor can we believe that chance has no role. Both are true.

Chance cannot be controlled, chaos the antithesis of control in order, so that Free Will is the domain of the spirit. Chance is in the probability of planets habitable by the same configurations of life as on earth, while the Continuity of the spirit cannot be proved, but can only be a belief, that associates the spirits of all life. Within Free Will in the spiritual, is a distinction from the physical and intellectual as mathematical. None can negate the role of chance, but has the context of the choice of Free Will in creating the Good as beyond the drive to survive. Chance is in the realm of the physical, in probabilistic facts, within the realm of mathematics of uncertainty. There is faith in the house – in things as physical, in Doing the Right Things as spiritual, and chance, chaos asks for nothing.

Chaos and Miracles: Theodicy and Free Will

A form of belief in deities is a belief in purposeful miracles. Miracles are not only contrary to the laws of nature, but explicitly with a divine purpose.

There’s an explanation line of a coincidental alignment of the stars so that usual phenomena are not from nothing, or Not a Thing, but explained as weather balloons for UFOs. I often credit my angels with assisting me with revelations in the shekhinah, but miracles are occurrences particularly outside the laws of physics. Something that doesn’t make any physical sense is divine providence; a burning bush that’s not burning, Shadrach Meshach and Abednego. Abraham sparing Isaac wasn’t a miracle. Spiritual Causality within the power of the shekhinah, Amalekites dispirited, Momma living for years without pain while dying of cancer wasn’t a miracle. Hardening pharaoh’s heart.

Theodicy is a dimension of Atheism. If The Absolute-Unity is the source of all, there’s no way to derive separate sources of good and evil. The first premise is necessary and rate-limiting. The adversary named Fear is permitted, and more over teleologically integral to the Drive to Survive. Life is the challenge of Free Will in the face of uncertainty. If denying the existence of The Absolute-Unity as purposeful, there’s only the physical that includes chance. Chance and circumstance as in Darwinism, while we know that genetic expressions are as willed as random.

The odds in Conventional Wisdom are always with the house that’s Holding Dominion, while there’s still a remote chance of Justice Compassion and Mercy. Creating the Good from nothing, from Not a Thing, is the domain of Hope grounded in the Beyond that relies on belief in care as the fundamental of divine purpose, or providence.

The Purpose of Care

The question of Atheism isn’t existence, Not a Thing as Beyond is wholly supported by mathematical logic, but care. Deistic religions can be as Atheistic as any other belief system in this regard. The first order of all organized religions is caring for an ‘Us.’ That may well be the extent of care. The premise of militarism is that this physical of the here and now is the only extent of care, and that there won’t be any saving miracle as the parting of the Sea of Reeds.

If there have been no prophets and miracles since …, Holding Dominion in physical existence is all there is while dismissing chaos in chance as beyond control. The ‘spirit’ lies in persuading votes and making strategic alliances, in the old-South repressing the vote and laws against miscegenation as in Israel. Miracles relegated only to the past becomes an argument against the chance of the miraculous in the present and future. By Continuity, either miracles have never happened are they’re still happening now. And if not now, when? How to expect a miracle out of razing the Dome of the Rock?

Theistic religions that hold that the only purposeful care within this existence is from humans share the same premise of Secular Humanism without a formal rejection of deity. Dead deities. If it’s only up to humans to care, then any expectation of care from the whirlwind is hollow superstition. Without belief in purposeful care of The Absolute-Unity, there’s no functional difference, only the usual question of for whom the ‘Us’ should care, and many deistic religions incorporate a Metareligion of denying extending that to ‘Them.’ Ostensibly, that atheistic association has progressed beyond that.

Free Will to Create the Good

With no proofs possible, in duality, I can chose to believe that I was born into ignorance in the Desert Wilderness and Abandoned! by chance, as well as understand that as providential. With No Absolutes in the Unity, the choice is to believe in care from the whirlwind and a providential purpose, or in aimless choices beyond the physical in chaos. In the reality of both, it’s my Free Will of life that has an opportunity to create the Good out of nothing, order from chaos. To acknowledge my ignorance while taking a chance on caring despite all surrounding evidence to the contrary.

Hitchens’ connection of evil to men who claim a connection to deity is correct. As well as a byproduct of beliefs, that cannot be proven any more than The Absolute-Unity. That’s imminently dangerous by the premise of ‘trust me, take my word for it, don’t ask questions.’ The initial why Judaism for me is as wholly consistent with my own realization of Not a Thing out of writing The Absolute-Unity and Unity in 1973. My Search for the Good continues, from the cradle to the grave, but that was a defining experience of identity out of identification, as a baby turns to the smile of its mother In the Spirit of recognition and return.

It was my responsibility as a compunction of ‘Free Will’ to take up the path, to then find a reward Beyond. Since, that ‘burning bush’ moment in the shekhinah, my will has not been my own, despite my doubts in fear. The standing question is: Was it ever?

Chance and Free Will

If I have anger, it’s with being Born to Wander in the Desert Wilderness, into an alien to thought and hostile environment of an evil tongue and a Murderous Heart with conflicting rules in my own ignorance of what Unit to which to Cohese. Rejecting Racism as a valid criterion, I reject Judaism as a race.

I have a compunction to put none before to pursue Justice; on that I’m clear. As the Bobbsey twins, Jews as an ethnicity distinct from religion and the premises of Classical Antisemitism are born of the same mother. Where is the separation between Hamas Hezbollah and Kach? Which the chicken and which the egg? Doesn’t really matter.

I accept condemnation for rejecting the addenda, including The Fourteenth Principle, but in a materialistic either-or, there’s no question that I’m with Kach, all the way. I know that Antisemitism is alive and well and given the opportunity there are more than imagined or admitted that would do us harm – purely for being a Jew. Regardless of stands for justice if not because, either or both.

There’s a chance that the necessity is choosing an either-or side is true, that fear of Gordis’ tent trumps Awe. With no absolute certainty that the militaristic settlement enterprise Human Rights abuses and Project Humiliation isn’t Justice, on what number do I place my bets?

When we are both on each side of the wall.

Gambling on Chance: The Problem of Probability

Does G d play Dice? Gambling is an affirmation of Hope, but no one who’s sane expects to win. The house (almost) always wins.

Are nuclear states as the house of power over life and death in this existence bluffing Humanity? Are Dresden Hiroshima and Nagasaki historical artefacts of bygone collectivization? Those who want to maintain the uneven nuclear playing field stand for an entitlement in particularist exceptionalism to the hypocrisy of disarming the natives while handing out guns to the settlers. Not fanciful happenstance, this is from Free Will in Holding Dominion over ‘Them.’ Leaving nothing to chance in a presumption of guilt of demons, the house of ‘Us’ has placed its faith squarely in the physical of power money might.

Democracies are collectives as responsible populations far beyond the huddled masses under repressive tyrants, are tyrannies of majorities. The striking cognitive dissonance of Liberal Two-state advocates in attacking Netanyahu’s leadership is that he’s only doing the will of the collective. The consensus to maintain ‘unpopular things‘ taking into the depths of time, that validates the state Holding Dominion religion of entitlement by exceptionalism. With speech being more open within Israel than in the Diaspora, there’s not the ‘We didn’t know.’ pretense available. To question ongoing displacement, the same as the Honorable Jefferson Davis declined the offers of Confederate Negroes to fight for Dixie is ‘against the premise.

This Free Will in contravention of chance in uncertain care is to become the house that (almost) always wins. Supplicants, as Federalist Loyalists are gambling on ‘trickle-down,’ relying upon fortunate birth in a yearning for salvation in nepotism and cronyism. As Pat Buchanan lamented the coming loss of Caucasian demographic majority within the United States at the Republican Convention in 1996, Charles Murray/Derbyshire-Sowell entreaties for a return of the 1950’s ascendancy of Racism are predicated upon faith in a culture as race having the advantages of the house. That correlates to the ethno-religious ‘Jewish state’ that makes the fortunate in Birthright as the house that (almost) always wins. The gaming house doesn’t gamble, leaves nothing to chance.

Free Will: Chance and Continuity of the Spirit

The fundamental order of Free Will is to take a chance on the impossible, betting on the miracle of care from the Whirlwind. I believe with Perfect Faith in the Continuity of the spirit to The Absolute-Unity, though not a fact that can be proven. With no doubt of the existence of The Absolute-Unity, my Doubtful Fear struggles against despair with Hope for care from the Whirlwind

Reality is that life is out to get us, and eventually, it gets us all. We will lose the drive to survive in this existence, and with no evidence of anything else, the choice of Free Will is to Do the Right Thing anyway. To have Compassion not just for ‘Us’ that in the psychopath is only themselves, the potential in this here and now for beyond is in the All.

And all these My hand made, and all these have become,” says the Lord. “But to this one will I look, to one poor and of crushed spirit, who hastens to do My bidding.

I am poor and of crushed spirit, but I cannot save myself, have no Free Will to resist ever-turning to the Great Light. To find these words that say it’s OK to be addicted to The Great Light. My great adversary of Fear sits on my shoulder, the fires of powerful things looms, sucking the oxygen of life out of the air. I lie in the shadows of deaths all around me, but in these words I find Hope. That my affliction of an addiction to Do the Right Thing isn’t for nothing but Not a Thing. That I care is my proof in the shekhinah that The Absolute-Unity cares as well, by Continuity.

By the interpretation of exclusive particularism, that the physical is all there is. being against the permanent (non-)occupation of the disputed territories is both existentially against the Right to Exist as a ‘Jewish state,’ as well as anti-Semitic. It’s a miracle as divine physical providence that neither ethnic cleansing of the disputed territories is practical, nor is Two-state. Sarah and Hagar will get to work living together out after-all. What are the odds of that?

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