Marriage Depends on Compassion
Choosing a good partner for marriage has been an Art through Time.
A Good Woman of Compassion
A good woman of compassion, a Rebecca, is priceless. Good fruit is thoughtful and considerate, merciful, feeds the helpless and dependent, wants to do the right things without having to be told. Good fruit is firm of conviction while ripe with tenderness. Truthfully in Awe of HaShem.
A Good Man of Compassion
A good man values his wife as the completion of the man he is. Listens to her, communication and mutual deference are important. If a man is the king of his castle, there’s no castle without a Rebecca there, no place to be. That king may be lord of his domain, uneasy sits the crown of the disobedient.
Rise of Romantic Fantasy
In some cultures, marriage is akin to a business partnership. In the West, there’s a need to see qualities in the potential partner, but the fruit picking is impaired by the rise of Romantic fantasies as the arbiter of Eros. That Romantic fantasy has become the grounds for the marriage, when Platos and Filia are closer to the business partnership paradigm, contextual companionship in partnership that develops over time is more lasting, Filial. Looking at each other only without looking to HaShem together, fails as any.
Eros Platos and Filia
In Rollo May’s paradigm, the three types of love are Erotic – Romantic, Filial, and Platonic. Western culture has elevated Romance as the basis of marital choice, to the result of fifty-percent divorce rates. Faith in the Romantic is rooted in an existential impossibility of a man-as absolute deific fantasy, that any other revered thing, is an end of itself. Instead, marriage has to be a looking through in Awe of HaShem.
The deities of fertility, beauty and youth, Eros, have been elevated such that all who focus there are losing site of HaShem. In Western culture, women are expected, required to show their legs and arms unless crossing into androgyny, and paint and clothe themselves, cut their hair in conformity with the dictums of the cosmetic and fashion industries — for a marketing presentation, in a metareligion that embraces a policy of expedient lies.
The root of any love is in looking to HaShem with Awe, true Virtue. When the Fantasy blows away as a wisp of smoke in the wind, there’s nothing left. Some marriages end when the children leave the nest reflect a pedio-centric focus. Doing it, tolerating disaffection with fantasies unfulfilled, disillusionment, for the children.
As dancing is traditionally seen by European culture as Romantic, as my Don Quixote with chivalry, has either been intellectualized as professional ballet, as people now look to lecterns in vicarious intercessional remote participations, going to class.
Tongues extended for the deliverance of the wafer. Or ballroom dancing cum square dancing as publicly appropriate if it must be done at all in propriety. Otherwise, its animistic fertility rituals, uncontrolled displays of emotions that can only be Erotic.
There’s a loss of the ability to tolerate the movement of the spirit because it’s too close to feelings that European cultures hold as arising out of sexuality. Sexuality has been created as a schizoid personality disorder with histrionics. Feelings as they exist are diverted either into sexuality or related acquisition of wealth as the yetzer tov permutation of filial regard for families.
In All or Nothing at All extremity, either the person is secular and dressed in a moderately revealing cocktail dress displaying Romantic sexuality as integral to the package of goods, or covering along with the religious traditions of the cultures of modesty.
In Western European religious culture, everything is dry cold and emotionless. Feelings aren’t a part of the Platonic intellectual process of Greek contemplation that falls in an attempt to intellectualize what can’t be, an ultimate Romanticized fantasy of addendum dogma.
When there are feelings, they should be suppressed, as the Africans of uncontrolled displays of emotion needed to leave the Methodists to their stoic cerebral Greek contemplation.
Or they’re Erotic. In All or Nothing or at All, cerebral or debased emotions.
With nothing being absolute, Romance is an outgrowth of Western European culture that has rejected professional or family matchmaking to a primacy of the choice of the bride and groom Picking Fruit for themselves from youthful inexperience; that rooted in the poetry of from Catullus to Shakespeare to John Donne to the Temptations’ My Girl ….
The horrors of arranged marriages against the righteous desires of a Montague groom and Capulet bride who are truly in love, has elevated Romanticism to deity as the first freedom of choice. Moreover, the permission to give an opinion is lacking by ‘hold your piece.’
The powerful Don Corleone who pays the bills may warn of his disappointment, but the culture of the Western situation is to let them choose for themselves. Even if unwisely.
At the same time, specious restrictions are falling to recognition of the qualities of good, even if the person is a Capulet. In most cultures of the world in modernity, Romanticism rooted in Fantasy is both risk and freedom. Youth of secular culture don’t know how to Pick good Fruit, but are also free of marital arrangements as the sale of child brides into prostitution as an extreme recent case in Afghanistan.
The looking forward together, over time, is Filial. As the head of a pin is an abundance of space when in Love, and a continent is too small with Enmity, the willingness to look through to something external to the marriage is the bond that holds, whether that be community, or HaShem. The former as gas to solid.
In some cultures, divorce is a rejection of the faith, of the entire community with its roots through time, the glue is very thick.
In African traditional religion, marriage is the active concern of the entire community. Marital conflicts as well as infidelities were damaging to the community spirit, chi. In ancient China, and other Eastern cultures plural marriages of the wealthy were characterized by pecking orders with a First Wife as deity to wives to concubines. Many famous stories of the issues that arise out of contests of primacy, favor. In those micro-communities.
Clarity of Focus
An outgrowth of modern progression is monogamy conjoined to monotheism. A reason if not a primary, is clarity of focus. Serving more than one master always engenders conflicts of dominance. With endemic corruption that arises as humanly we favor one over another. When our charge is to serve only HaShem.
Mecca of Divorce
Polygamy is illegal in the West, restricted by resources most of elsewhere, but serial marriage isn’t. America is the Mecca of divorce, fifty percent across assimilated culture, with second families in Catholic Mexico where annulments; Say it never really happened if no offspring.
Western progressive cultures beneficially militate against forcing girls and women into Misogynous situations that’s still prevalent in some cultures. The modern right of self-determination contrasts to the child bride sold into misanthropic man-as deity dominion of husbands over wives in some cultures, as the ‘Good Times’ of the 1950’s in America where wives were still subject to corporal punishment now understood as abuse.
An interpretation of women as chattel has yielded to human egalitarianism in Western Cultures, excepting the underground human slave trade. A friction that remains is the expectation of dominance as a premise of conflict resolution, conflicts that are inevitable.
Catholics hold that there’ll always be disillusionment to be treated by Dialogue to get back to a decision to Love. They attempt to de-mystify or at least have articulated expectations before, and renegotiated in light of commitment to the marriage after. In my words not theirs, to mitigate the Romantic fantasy and deal with reality motivated in religious commitment.
In most long-standing cultures, expectations are known – Ketuba, Katb el-Kitab. In Muslim – Jewish cultures traditional roles are understood, the man responsible for providing, the woman nurturing. In Hindu culture, the sanctity of marriage is understood as not only immediate family husband to wife to children, but integral to the communities’ expectations of members in looking to HaShem through their familial deity.
Marriages are still arranged with the understanding that the selected pair retains rights of veto in the enlightened. But who’s the decider and who by default defers mitigates conflicts being intractable.
Both are Hindus and Muslims arranging supervised contacts of youth. When a pairing is considered at the appropriate ages, if a couple is incompatible, don’t have ‘chemistry,’ it’s better to not have the marriage occur than trying to force square pegs into round holes. To try to force respect and deference when it doesn’t exist already by mutual regard.
In homogeneous cultures, expectations are homogeneous as well, less prone to pure Romantic Fantasy or that the inevitable disillusionment become intractable.
Teleologically, women have a vested interest in the integrity of the nest or den. Women of some cultures in evolution from antiquity accept mates on potential and others require the metaphorical herd of cows be delivered in advance.
The traditional African suitor brought so many cows in proof of capability, and the woman was expected to deliver the first-born in advance as well. The marriage may have been pre-arranged village to village, and the tradition was to exchange brides as reinforcement of agreements of peace as seems to have occurred with Native Americans as well; In my decision to trust you, I trust you with our daughter’s life and her children that will be our children.
Financial issues, an extension of the nest, are the standard cause of divorce, but the Fantasies of the different parties going in is the greater issue. The stunningly beautiful basketball wife who’s expecting infinite riches out of a tenuous and uncertain career will leave in disappointment with that career-threatening injury. The basketball husband who expects his wife to sit home like the Hindu trucker’s wife and await her fate from his promiscuity may not experience permanent obsequious supplication as realities set in.
Romantic Fantasies as the basis of Picking Fruit in the Romeo and Juliet paradigm contributes to the high rates of divorce in Western cultures, along with most due to unrealized financial Fantasies. Along with our paper plate culture, we have give up on the first trouble divorces for some and devolution into misogyny on another. Only by standing in looking to HaShem together is the bond strong to last.
The Fruit Picker
There was a store I liked in Houston named Jamail’s that had a fruit-picker. His only job was to stand there and Pick Fruit for you. You could tell him what recipe and when, and he’d pick it out for you. Matchmaking tradition in Judaism is predicated upon this expertise. Even with the matchmaker doing a professional job, the rooting has to be in looking to HaShem, then community, not each partner other alone.
Ancestors, parents, the community, have a view from above that the prospect lacks.
Concern with Assimilation
Muslim and Hindu communities in America are arranging their youth to have interactions males – females in a supervised setting with adults as modern compromise to the pressures of secular culture.
A concern with assimilation, is that even if the person doesn’t embrace the religious dogma, if they adopt the metareligion of Romanticism that’s rooted in secular culture that’s rooted in Fantasy, the corrosive effect is as damaging.
So while I disagree that she should be killed, I would take it as feedback on my failure to articulate and demonstrate the search for the good effectively. Of course, some will say this approach is inflammatory, don’t bite the hand that feeds, but allowing the morality of the culture to be eroded by failing to articulate effectively will impair the critical process of unification within.
The Glue is Weak
The cultural issue is that by Western cultures looking to each other, rather than to Him, the glue is weak. In misogynist cultures, through the 50’s in America, women were the oppressed in the marriage, by their ostensible man-as deity. As the urge to equality has undermined that stay at home and tend the nest paradigm, significantly driven by women needing to work, two incomes to make ends meet, the traditional roles of man as the hunter and woman as the gatherer are historical, under adjustment.
Most men in modern society can’t afford to be the only bread-winner. Many women who don’t necessarily have to work choose self-actualization outside the nest.
American misanthropy against Negro men has led to the necessary rise of the ‘strong Black woman,’ when teleologically it’s the man who’s supposed to be the strong. Men-as deities have pounded Negro men into the ground, save the ones that can run jump shoot dance or sing, then clucks its tongue at the high rates of unwed maternity. As this Misanthropy has spread itself ever wider, increasingly role reversals are occurring out of traditional paradigms.
Idolatry of Youth and Beauty
Women in youth and beauty are the deciders: The man should slay the lion of comfort in wealth, the woman hopes he keeps her. The plastic surgery cosmetics and fashion industries stand on this insecurity. There’s hardly a sadder sight than a woman who’s collagenated botoxed coiffed implanted and all dressed up in a revealing manner to fight the tides of a culture that deifies youth and beauty, themselves rooted in deification of Romance.
The attraction of secular culture is powerful. It’s everywhere you look. Unless you don’t own any electronic devices, and try to stand completely insular, temptations to assimilate will attract youth. Rather than this insularity, my made up from nothing is to attack the premises of Romanticism. Many women are caught up in this mill of Romanticism that has large financial implications for markets.
Anorexia obesity various and sundry expressions of low self-esteem are tracking in parallel to the primacy of greed, of never having enough. They covet the billionaire’s success and with no moral rooting in cultures of lies as normal, there’s small wonder that corporatists are inveterate.
Until women decide to stop men holding themselves as deities over the sexuality of women by taking the sexualization out of men’s own minds, women won’t be truly free of the ravages of the deities of youth and beauty. And Vice Versa.
Truth Be Told
As Western culture views honesty as a fault, as truth makes a comeback, so will Modesty.
Modesty has a context beyond dictum. Respect. The Patti Sanger client in five inch stilettos in a modestly revealing cocktail dress with injected lips and various artificial value-conferring augmentations, is no more free than the woman under the burqa in Afghanistan. Modern secular culture values marketing with paint costumes superficialities.
Two Jehovah’s Witnesses came to my door to proselytize. The remarkably beautiful aspect of them was that they weren’t painted, but honestly modest in their self-respect. Naturally, I couldn’t agree to any conversation as though there was any point in talking to me about religion beyond a self-serving hearing myself talk, but I point them out as exemplars of a coming modernity in the return of women being free to be modest.
Once upon a time, everything wasn’t sexual, Romantic. We’re hardly going to become aboriginal, but the sexualization in our minds, the acceptance of Romance rooted in absurd Fantasies is to be decried.
As the Ronald Reagan’s Antipathy has become Virtue for Spartan stones to grind under Maestrini’s law, divorce rates have skyrocketed; the nest is unstable. The Lion can’t be respected for failing to bring it home, and the nest that’s thin is insecure. The clucking that had been reserved for Negroes of the routinely broken home, has extended to the culture at large by the same economic, rather than moral forces attributed to indict by a . A significant cause of divorce is the weakness of the society, cultural morally and financially.
With ever-increasing insecurities, and ‘I Can Do Bad All by Myself,‘ the institution of marriage has been institutionalized, in the 99% poor-house. The corporatist Borg on the global ‘at will’ plantation can’t stop. This grinding has no end in sight until Afghanistan stops growing poppies and decerebrate Loyalists in the War Within the States stop praying for their Second Coming.
Marriage is between looking to HaShem and looking to things. Talking about women has been reduced to sexuality when that’s the least of it. Women are the soul of a culture, of the man. Until the World to Come, partnership in looking to HaShem, the freedom from sexualization as separate, compartmentalized deification, Idolatries, will be understood as distractions from looking with Awe of HaShem.
And the LORD G-d caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and he slept; and He took one of his ribs, and closed up the place with flesh instead thereof. And the rib, which the LORD G-d had taken from the man, made He a woman, and brought her unto the man. And the man said: ‘This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.’ Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife, and they shall be one flesh. And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.
That this is the goal and expectation, as in the beginning, cleaving one to another, one flesh, unashamed.