Momma’s way of being was to wind Dada up with her evil tongue like a toy Nutcracker with the screw in the back, to instigate until he would snap and find me to give me a beating for no reason.
Beatings for No Reason: The Magic Loop Revealed
Once, playing the goof, I sneaked up on them while they were having their nightly vanilla ice cream only to learn that while I couldn’t understand Dada’s aerobic sport of beating me out of the blue for no particular reason; she was the Barzini behind Tattaglia all along.
My best friend, intellectual foil, and understanding champion, was speaking to him in such a way that he just had to do something: He told me doesn’t like your beatings for no reason, and what are you going to do about it? It was the way she said it more so than the words.
I didn’t mind being beatings if I did something wrong, have no resentments about those. I still resent the beatings for no reason and beyond that the various psychological tortures. The beatings were coincidental, the main point was to bring me down, like a sociopath-in-training tortures small animals. The realization that these beatings were at my trusted mother’s behest, the magic loop revealed was instructive that Hate Comes Smiling as Love.
Some of my beatings for no reason were to appease Momma’s daughter’s murderous heart by torturing me, to be fair. Her daughter’s Nakba that I was born has driven the core of who she is as a person. I understand Born into Hate that can never be appeased, even with destruction along with the injustice of beatings for no reason.
Beatings on Trumped-up Charges
I didn’t like beatings on trumped-up charges either. A favored tactic was being given a raft of chores impossible to do by the deadline to get the inevitable beatings for not getting them done. If I wanted to go down to the park to play touch football, I’d ask a week in advance, do every extra chore I could imagine in advance beyond any assigned, only for Dada to come up with anything he could, including redoing chores already done, to at the last-minute say no as a dishonorable liar at Momma’s instigation for my ‘protection.’
Then for the inevitable beatings if I protested. Theoretically I was allowed to watch one TV show a week. Dada would turn the TV off at that last commercial before the ending, and direct a new chore. Then for the standard beating for complaining, or pouting in a ‘happiness‘ violation.
Wore the Porcelain Off
I had to scrub the tub with one of those old camel-hair brushes. Dada came behind me, and if he got any dirt up, a beating it was. I wore the porcelain off trying to stop those beatings. I finally figured out that the dirt was coming from that crappy wood brush. To prove my innocence I saved up pennies by skipping lunch for money to buy a new nylon brush. I got a beating for being ‘uppity‘ by figuring it out, for ruining the harmony engendered by my beatings.
Then later, not only did I need to take momma’s beatings when she pissed him off, and the placation of my sister set, add my sister’s discipline beatings too. If she did something wrong, I got her beatings too.
Closest Thing to Honor
When I was five I told momma she ought to divorce him. She told me she couldn’t because he’d get me in the settlement. I told her to save herself, I’ll be all right. Dada’s father left them when he was young and he became the man of the family. The closest thing to honor in my family I ever saw was his refusal to leave. Maybe my beatings were for his not being able to honorably leave, stuck in the hell of an incessantly nagging evil tongue. Momma lived to bring you down. Maybe she was dealing with her being a bastard issue by having me take beatings on her behalf. Who knows?
Beatings for No Reason Lead to a Confusion of Despair
Icebergs of injustice create a dehumanizing confusion of despair. Being abused, not by being beaten for cause, but beatings without reason teaches worthlessness. You don’t know what to do, are paralyzed by fear. You learn that love is Hate, that Hate’s all you deserve. I still struggle with trusting the hand of friendship, still don’t know how to accept it.
If your own two-faced mother is the one stabbing you in the back, and the alternative is the one doing the beatings as if the prospective ‘man’ of the family has to start taking everybody’s beatings for practice, you learn not to trust. You do things the rest of your life without realizing why. I was in practice in my thirties when I finally figured out my odd habit of getting out of bed through the end rather than the side – into a beating.
B. F. Skinner’s operant conditioning with Pavlov’s dog salivating at the sight of food is that the rat is conditioned to press a bar for a pellet. Press pellet press pellet. Then change that to every two then three to random, and after a time, the rat presses furiously hoping for the pellet. After long enough of the pellets being denied, the expectation becomes extinct and the rat stops pressing.
Like the Skinnerian rat, you don’t know what bar to press to make it stop. After enough random beatings for no reason, you learn that you’re the reason you’re being beatingsen, and that there’s no bar. And that’s it’s your fault you were born in the desert wilderness.
I must be a really bad person paying for terrible sins of a previous life.
Beatings for No Reason Made Me Stoic
I officially became extinct at the age of seven and declared myself a Platonic stoic, my lesson learned that there’s no pellet of happiness or sadness, there’s only whatever and it is what it is. Get beatings for being happy and get beatings for being sad: I still can’t laugh or cry. Same same. People become conditioned to injustice as an expectation. All these have to do with my allergies to hater’s and their injustices.
I grew up in the firm belief that Dada didn’t love me. One day when I was about to drive back to Amherst College, he’d taped a note on my dashboard saying to be careful. That was the first time I saw he did. Lifetimes later, decades after he’d died, I found a letter in the garage, his man-cave, that I’d written from college about how hard I was working. He taught me I can fix anything that can be in that garage.
After I’d moved my parents to Houston because my father had become senile to try to take care of them, I got into baking cookies from scratch for him. I got really good at it. Through his senility, this was the one thing that made him smile. One day, when he was more lucid than less, and in a good mood with his cookies, I asked him Why the beatings for no reason? I told him I wasn’t being angry about it or anything like that, I just wanted to understand. His answer; Some things you should just forget about.
I wanted to go into the military early in my life, but he was dead set against it. They’ll humiliate you; it’s not for us. He was so adamant about it through time, I didn’t, though I then and still think everybody who can should. Seemingly, he hadn’t been able to forget his treatment in the Army. Injustices, like dishonor have impacts through generations.
Hate speech doesn’t need to be a Fuehrer pounding the podium as my bombastic spokesman for Zionism, but the quiet persuasion of guilt in an undertone not easily heard, that doesn’t need to be specific. Hate is instigating an injustice: He told me something about how he feels about you, and what are you going to do about it? Was an incitement to Hate. Hate doesn’t have to be smoldering tattoos all over a face of anger all day every day. Hate is an action to create an Injustice.
An evil tongue is knowing that by saying something in a certain way, the target will suffer. This is the Hand of Hate that has made the infant mortality rate in America the second highest in the modern world. Not somebody saying out loud, they don’t deserve to live, that they should be on Spartan stones to die. Evil tongues are the most dreadful tools of destruction because they create the energy of Hate, of disaffection and disregard, of abandonment of consideration. Of inhumane treatments.
Evil Tongues Cause Beatings for No Reason
To assert that all Muslims are scheming to conquer the world with Sharia is a projection of the desire to maintain conquest of the world, that was only yesterday being attributed to us. Then, you can rest assured with the lie that all the Muslims dying in the streets trying to overcome oppression want to be oppressed by man-as deific radical Islamists at their toil’s end. People preaching Hate are devils who instigate evil. Devils as innocent as Momma asking Dada; What are your going to do about it? Knowing with thin plausible deniability what she was winding him up like a Nut Cracker to do.
It’s the same call in instigation to participate in Hate Jews are getting from old-South Republicans. Are you going to keep voting with those radical-Islamo-fascist-sympathizers whining about a little religious freedom of genocide righteousness? Or are you going to come over here with your real Islamophobic friends and join the old-South Republican Party of misanthropic Coliseum droolers in the Big Tent of Hate where you belong?
Ate a Wafer this Morning
Muslims Hate us because some other of us, not these, stood for your right to freedom of religion. I ate my wafer this morning with a sip and crossed myself, so it never happened that only a moment ago we were murdering you through the ages for continuing that Monotheism from Abraham.
So let’s be Birds of a Feather of Hate together. America did a fine job with its freedom of Native American genocide, the water’s fine. The cherubic white King boys that caved their daddy’s head in for a hit off a joint are misunderstood and need love and support, and the Arab darkie throwing rocks as livestock deserves the death penalty.
While thrown to a biased assumption of Arabs as the source of Hate, I’m undone in the admission that it spans both sides. Jews are to disremember materialistic Trinitarian Pauline addendum men-as deities’ injustices to become infallible deities of dominion, settlers misunderstood good guys out to have a little not so bad blowing off steam fun tipping Arab cows over and then out.
Reality of Continuity
Reality is a continuity of contexts, reasons. No more than Dada could forget can I as I’m reminded of manipulation of excuses for beatings by Arabs’ resources of life being stripped as Native American starvation on the reservation for the inevitable beatings for going off the reservation.
By lashon hara, I shouldn’t say anything that can be construed as derogatory about Momma’s evil tongue or Dada’s role of the soul in her psychological tortures. Keeping unflattering truths politely buried, silently allowing an association with a Brownshirt to go uncontested as representative is a sin of Forgetting. Are we really for Native American genocide? Are we these people? Are we really for beatings for no reason? Having a chuckle torturing small helpless animals?
Times Drawing Near
Nor should I say anything that can be construed as critical of Zionism. Regardless. Under threat of losing my portion in the World to Come, as an emergency in times drawing near to tell these forbidden personal stories as testimony against interest in consideration toward truthfulness. I poured my blood on the street to honor my father and mother. Because I thought it was His right thing to do. Their beatings for no reason for whatever rationale wasn’t my issue, He is. Awe of HaShem.
The beatings for complaining about the injustice of beatings for no reason, is a beating I’m unfortunately as willing to take. I Hate the injustices haters cause. Code-words. When that was then and the now of His World to Come, will be too late to reconsider.stand on the solid bedrock that America got away with Native American genocide, is getting away with the lies of One-drop evolved in
Nothing good comes from lies that instigate hateful actions. The existential reality is that Arabs and Jews will be in Greater Israel together, in one arrangement or another. We must make an amicable Peace, not a lie that never ends. Dialogue is a waste of time with murderous hearts. Talking to people stuck in Hate isn’t a plan, a reason Two-state is over. On the other hand of yetzer tov, there are people with compassion for All suffering, and not just their own, who are willing to live and let live, on both sides, together.
We will not make Dada’s mistake of giving beatings for no reason other than who they are. Their generations won’t forget, any more than Dada could. Only to find himself in lasting history the agent of the same ills he decried. As he said of the military; the message now is that Judea and Samaria isn’t a place for Arabs to live with humane treatment, with Civil Rights.
If Dada could be wrong about the military, conventional wisdom is wrong that we can’t stop the hate for the unfathomable alternative He requires that Arabs and Jews live together in Judea and Samaria, the wolf dwelling with the lamb. He won’t Forget.