Given that I’d been studying philosophy since the age of seven, I don’t know how I was so clear at thirteen, preferring the fires of their damnation promised rather than agree to accept a man equilibrated to HaShem, that I was Born to Wander to the Shekhinah.
From something deep within me, I couldn’t continue. I was certain this wasn’t the right way, was compelled to leave, to Wander. I settled back into philosophy, the previous trail gone cold, sniffing along the safe dry path of philosophical words and ideas, still looking for a way home. At seventeen I met The Minyan and was frightened, quit Mysticism. On the math path I was still looking, then after my calamity of praying to the deity of math, I turned back to philosophy and religion to My Shekhinah at twenty-one with The Absolute-Unity and Unity.
Do the Right Thing Habit
I deified family and learned better of that. I went to therapy for three years trying to get out of that do the right thing habit: as my therapist told me; ‘follow the culture of the situation.’ At one point, I was seeing two different at the same time trying to find a way to cure this addiction manifested in a compunction to do the right thing. I went to Negro Churches undercover as listening to the PPP prayer hour for the sound, fled when questions started. Then, while in the spirit seeing a Ramadan announcement, I was able to see the oneness of religions, always Wandering back by hidden stars. Like a leaf to chlorophyll, I can’t refuse to turn to the light.
I won’t blame my parents for being the way I am unless being beat for no reason is a good cause. I didn’t try to take care of them even though I couldn’t afford it because of anything they did. Or taught me. It wasn’t because they deserved it. I had no choice because of my Awe of HaShem. I should’ve been more concerned about self-preservation.
Chosen to Be Keeper of His Creation
Being a Jew isn’t about self-preservation, it’s about HaShem. If self-preservation is your aim, adopt the faith du Jour in pecking order of the men-as deities where you are. We’re about do the right thing in their face, respecting the traditions and remembrances of elders and teachings of prophets. We look through time, understanding that we were Chosen to be our brother’s keeper of All His creation, keepers of the Shekhinah, a flame that doesn’t extinguish.
I hear about ‘free will’ when I have none. People talk about making choices when I don’t know how. I’ve been gripped from before I was born with this compulsion to search for remembrances of a previous life continuing in amnesia. Flashes of memory stand in my subconscious until a peek that passes fleetingly to be startled back to earth by the noise of a low life from the desert wilderness. Like the family pet lost across the world, my soul is traveling, Wandering by unseen stars and signs, finding my way home.
As we search for the Good, our angels lead us to His peace in times not of our choosing. At any given next moment.